King Of Foods, The Haggis*

*sung to the tune, Save the Last Dance For Me

I like food, and no food makes me sigh
like larva pie, or goat’s eyes in an ample pile
And I smile all the while when I dine
on monkey in brine, chased with acrid snake bile.

I can pour sauce made from rotten fish
On a dinner dish of worms served sushi style
And, you tease, don’t run short of cheese
full of maggots, please, or I will get riled

But I will forever relish Scottish Haggis
even when I’m picking grub legs from my teeth
Ods bodkin! Save the lamb’s glands for me.

Oh, I know that the buzz is fine
One gets licking sweat from certain toads’ behinds
Or drinking urine hurled from the yurt
of a siberian fly agaric-eating guy


But my favorite dish is never served at briss
despite certain grisly similarities.
McInery, save some lamb’s glands for me.

From a boiled belly into mine it goes
looking like someone else’s lunch
A tender morsel from a sheep’s torso
Is my favorite munch

Caterpillar fungi you may sauté
to get your day off to a start that’s right
Or a plate of duck fetus fricaseéd
topped with a dollop of Mexican corn blight.

But there’s no stand-in for ewe’s intestines
when tasty eatin’ there’s gotta be
Wee Lassie, save some lamb’s glands for me

Boil some haggis for me, mmmm, mmmmm
save some ram’s heart for me, mmmm
save some sheep’s lung for me


5 responses to this post.

  1. I can’t stop laughing. Hillarious, Very imagination. I am sure it comes from spending days in the sea


  2. Also, pop-eyed sailor and this one reminds me of Woody Allen’s Without Feathers.


    • Thanks so much for the encouraging words.
      I am a fan of Woody Allen’s work, he is a genius. Along with Mad Magazine, he did more to mold my sense of humor, which is moldy indeed, than any other influence.


      • Now, I was wondering should I refer to Woody Allen’s work. That you are very much aware I am smooth at upsetting friends. (not since you made “pick your nose” comment) So can I take that as a compliment that I am getting your drift? hehehe

  3. tell me where do we Buy them


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