JERRY SPRINGER SHOW-AND-TELL

ON THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW

I got home from the night shift, and grabbed myself a beer,
turned on the cable-ready TV, and quickly there appeared
The Ringmaster and his crew, with the daily dose of weird
Between my socks I watched as his audience began to cheer

Jerry, Jerry, who’s on today? We would really like to know
Albino gays that are easy lays, or pimps who like fat ho’s?
Nazis dressed in diapers, swastikas tattoed on their toes?
Worse than that, my beer I spat, my daughter’s on his show!

She’s with a midget wrestler, who dresses just like Presley,
He gets spanked by tranny skanks, her best friend is a lezzie
They have food fights between the sheets, that gets awful messy
She calls him L’il Daddy, a fact she could have spared me

Omigawd! This just can’t be, my heart begins to sink
We raised her to be better, what will the neighbors think?
Her gal-pal flashed the crowd, is that fuzz a merkin mink?
A beer ain’t near to what I need, I’m going to fix a drink

When I return, Jerry sternly asks her why she’s cheating
True love is here to stay, he says, passion is so fleeting
The midget swears he doesn’t care about her flagrant meetings
Some pics he takes of them are sent as Christmas greetings

Some smart-ass in the crowd has the nerve to call her plump
Security has to hold her back before off the stage she jumps
Is this the same sweet little girl we nursed through the mumps,
Who just told the tiny toad for a dwarf he has been dumped?

I mix a double bloody mary to the final thoughts of Springer
So blue was I, it took some time to hear the telephone’s ringer
It was daughter dear, calling about a big diamond on her finger
She and the dwarf had a plane to catch, so she could not linger

She’s on her own, I told myself, and far too old to scold
I listened and my spirits soared; the closing credits scrolled
Her beau had made big money, when shortcomings.com he sold
Now we’re rich because a midget’s bitch went on the Springer show

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2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Refugio Enslen on February 18, 2013 at 4:57 pm

    Since professional wrestling is centered on being a family entertainment venue, there is a considerable amount of censorship that takes place to quieting the actions that professional wrestlers take when they are in the ring on any given night. Every professional wrestler establishes a persona that is angled toward increasing public appeal in the sport and in the wrestler. All of the outrageous antics that a wrestler comes up with while training for matches from week to week to meant to gain a wider viewing audience..

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    Reply

    • I just saw the wrestling movie with Mickey Rourke, which depicts the athleticism and show-biz that make up this uniquely American phenomenon.\Thanks for the comment.

      Reply

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