NAPOLEON KICKED OFF SURVIVOR ISLAND

It wouldn’t be the same, I say, were legendary figures alive this day,
Their sandals would be birkenstocks, their clothing gold lamé.
Other paths would many take, given different circumstances.
You may doubt, yet hear me out as I offer some f’rinstances.

Gandhi fasts on Facebook, Christ twitters about his Dad.
Buddha laughs at O’Reilly, especially when Bill’s mad.
Moses rides a ski lift down, bearing a Holy Kindle.
Esau sues his brother Jake for pulling such a swindle.

Confucius follows the Dow, says The Way could not be straighter,.
Alex does great flipping real estate, G. Khan’s a corporate raider.
Krishna markets Good Karma Korma, nets a billion rupees off it
Mohammad shorts pork-bellies online; he makes quite a tidy prophet

Doctors find some steroids in a lock of Samson’s hair
Delilah writes a tell-all book, and becomes a millionaire
Zeus got caught on camera with a fine young mortal lass,
and meekly went on Oprah’s show to admit he was an ass.

Shakespeare moves to Broadway, where he wins a couple of Tonys
But a blogger says he wrote those plays; Will gets proved a phony
Hercules still labors long, completing the King’s harsh orders
But his documents are out of date, so he’s sent across the border

And so, you see, arguably, the era dictates what legends come to be
In different ages, the sculpting of lives is altered quite appreciably
How the  times might change great lives can only be guessed about
Would the Brothers Wright still try to fly, or seek a federal bailout?

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