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TRUMP SELLS SOUL TO SATAN

Popularity Drops 1%
(IP)
In what he calls a ‘major expansion of the brand’, President Donald Trump announced on Friday that he had sold his immortal soul to the Devil.
“He sent me an offer, said the President, “and I have to say it was a beautiful letter, beautifully written. I’ve never seen a more beautiful written offer, that was written in words. It was amazing. And I know a deal when I see it, and this is a deal, the perfect deal.”
” For eight years, Obama tried to sell his soul to Satan. But no deal , Obama can’t close, no deal, poor little Obama.”
” we’ve all done it,” said treasury secretary Mulcahey, ” Get over it.”

The expected outrage on the part of the religious right was muted, to say the least.
“Goodness, you’d think he had done something terrible!” Said long-time Trump supporter, Ida Mae Badadder. ” I know the devil’s done bad things, but who hasn’t? Aren’t we all sinners? Trump is a genius for reaching out!”
“Hillary could never have done a deal like this!” Said sources from both sides of the aisle.
Most Republican leaders were equally sanguine. When asked for a comment, sen. Lindsey Graham (R-sc) replied , “i’ve always liked Satan, never felt otherwise.”
” The president’s personal attorney, Rudy Giuliani, spoke with the Press about the matter.
“He signed in blood, not ink! This is a civil matter and blood evidence is inadmissible in the court of public opinion. Pull my finger, this is cool.”
Speaker Nancy Pelosi issued a statement that read, in part, “…a clear violation of the emolument clause of the Constitution. If, indeed, this is true. Because frankly,” said the usually far less candid speaker, “the Presidents soul doesnt have a gold ribbon pinned to it, to put it mildly. It’s a pig best kept in the poke”.
“Bawa Wawa Nancy Wancy scuzzy Pelosi!” Was the presidents response on twitter the following… (cont. p. 12a)

CHANNELING CHAUCER

The Lodger’s Tale

Who doth brake wynde wan this hutt is shut tighte,
Wan the aire doth not move on this warme humid night?
Ye made no sounde on your giving of vente,
Lett loose onn the slye what twas not heaven scent.
Wat manner of victuals compos’d your repast,
Ande gavve ye the gravest of cases of gas
Ande teared uppe our eyes upon fleeing your asse?
Could ye notte havve stept outsyde, on to the fen
Orr, mayhap, preferred too sleep in a tent?
Ach! Mine eyes doth burn anew, the bloke hath farted againe!
———————-
A Drunkard’s Rappe
Oh, Mother Meade, what didde I do in your name?
Didde I bring unto mye selfe and mye familee, great shame?
Orr, bye chance, were all as potted as me?
Deff as stones, blynde as batts, as eagre to disturb the peace?
Were all besotted, loose of lippe, and open-hearted?
Wan I tolde the wife I was going to help a frend,
Her eyes did rolle as she sayed I knoe howe thiss ends
You, brotte home inn a waggon,
A’cuddlin your flagon like some pagan whore
And a promise of never again, slurred words abowte making amends
Now you’re pied as a piper, delidver’d like freight once morre. This is thee ende!
I should say darling please, while ime onn my knees,
Butte my gutte churns, and yearns to expresse its owne ideas.
Ande this paine inn my pate maye never cease.
Peece outte
{drop quill}

AFTERWORDS

Cold trickle showers, hot coffee on the grill
The storm is forgotten, its effects linger still
Havent seen a TV in a week or so
We could be at war, and I wouldnt know
Devastated forests as far one can see,
Toilet paper could possibly become a new currency
And ice more precious than the Queens jewelry.
The curfew is needless, i claim
There’s nowhere to go, it all looks the same.
But with the neighbors trees gone, I can see the sunrise
And with the city lights out, stars fill the sky.
With the shade trees gone, a garden can grow
And I have new places for fruit trees to go.
That fence was rotten, beginning to sway,
We needed a new roof and paint job anyway

COUNTRY SONG, AINT GOT NO MELODY

I WON’T GO THERE

They said”Jump in! The waters fine!”
I knew better than to freeze my behind
I stayed topside, and drank a few
While the rest caught colds, pneumonia, and the flu!

I won’t go there , I won’t do that,
I’d strike out just like Casey with his bat
Another TKO, laying on the mat
Feel free to ask, but I won’t do that

I met a pretty gal at this fancy bar
She took me to her home in her fancy car
But my lucky stars I did stop thanking
When she said, Bad boy! You’re getting a spanking!

I don’t do that, I won’t go there
Go ahead and pout, I really don’t care
No more weirdness, please, I’ve had my share
I’ll hold your beer , but I won’t go there

A guy whose face had been in the paper
Invited me to be a part of his caper
He said I’d regret it when I declined
He made the news again, when he got 99

I won’t do that, no Sir or Ma’am
I’m happy to stay the way I am,
Not rolling in dough, nor am I on the lam
Just getting by the best I can

He said to me, ” Let’s get rich quick!”
“This business plan is way too slick!”
Now, I don’t gamble, but I would wager
That he never got rich selling old pagers

I won’t go there, I just can’t
I’m way too old to take such a chance
That’s how it is, spare me your rant
I make just enough down here at the plant.

WISDOM BITES

Im old enough to remember switching from incandescent Zeppelin to Led Zeppelin.

I’m not against girls who strip for a living. At least, not as often as I’d like.

A guy came up to me the other day and asked, “Are you Mel Famy?  “Yes” I replied cagily, “Are you?”

I’ve reached another stage of human development. When coughing sneezing, and spitting cannot be told apart. Whats next? Depends.

If you got a rat that’s been singing like a canary, be sure to give him some throat spray before he goes onstage.

Wherever I go, I always manage to lift spirits. I keep the good stuff for myself, and sell the rest to winos.

I wish I could lose some weight. But I also wish for world peace and, really, which is more important?

ON SEEING A DOG ABANDONED

ON SEEING A DOG ABANDONED
Please don’t run, little fella, I won’t hurt you
The way someone has
I won’t tie you up outside in the summer and let your water dish go dry
The way someone did
Someone tested your love and devotion to its limits
And you would jump back in the truck he kicked you out of
And you would bite me if I did to him what I’m thinking
I want to see him to cower, the way from me you’re slinking
Screw him it’s time to start on the forgetting
Time to put some food in you, take you to a vet and
I need a new winter coat, my old one is now your bedding
It’s time for you to get back the love that you’ve been giving
Maybe in a week or two you’ll be receptive to some petting
The way someone will

OVERHEARD AT THE ASTROPHYSICISTS CONVENTION…

A couple was in a department store, where the lady was trying on dresses and getting her astrophysicist husband’s opinion. He had just given a thumbs down on a sexy black dress that she rather liked.
“Do you think that I would look better in a red shift? She asked.
You wouldn’t look as hot,” he replied