Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

NOBODY TOOK THE KEYS

 

That was night that I got lost somewhere in whiskey heaven,
I ragged your candy ass when you quit drinking at eleven
You saw me stumble when we finally left the bar
So, see? It’s safer for me behind the wheel of a car
Are you coming or not? No more lectures, please.
And now a man is dead because nobody would take my keys

You’re the life of the party, the man of the hour
You’ve fine-tuned the social uses of hard liquor’s power.
I’m lucky to be your friend, and I sure don’t want to end
The party. So give that bottle one more squeeze,
And toast the man who died because I didn’t take your keys

I rode free as a bird, left my working days behind me
I loved my friends, my family, but the road is where you’d find me
Thirty years of fighting fires, waiting for this day
Retired, unhired, astride my Harley, was where I planned to stay
Just pondering life, enjoying new roads and the breeze
It ended when I met you, because no one took your keys.

I bought a bike this morning, Dad, so I could be like you
See what I wore today, now I’m a fireman, too
Your grandson is sick today, or I’d have brought him here
To the only place where the boy ever sheds a tear
He wants so bad to tell you that he knows his ABCs
And he will sing them to your headstone, because nobody took those keys

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THE BALLAD OF JUDGE ROY MOORE

________________________

Met her by the fountain, after her math class,
Her eyes told me she wanted me to grab her ass

I let no one see me, or get a good look
For the only periods she’d experienced
Were the ones in her textbooks
You’ve got some short eyes, Roy Moore,
Adult women ain’t your style
Hands off our daughters, Roy Moore
You Bible-quoting pedophile,
You had to ask her Mom’s permission,
To take her on a date
That’s pretty weird behavior,
Even for your state
Hang up your hat, Judge Roy Moore
Farewell to your Senate hopes
Though some will still vote for you
The rest of us aren’t dopes
You say you know the Bible better,
Studied it all your life
You say its okay to covet her
As long as she’s nobody’s wife!
Don’t be a bigger sap Judge Roy Moore
Than you already are
The GOP is gathering the feathers,
The Dems are heating up the tar!

(Thanks and apologies are due to the Kingston Trio) https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=nGGGQVGLTQ0&feature=share

MANAFORTE’S LAMENT

Gutshot cans on a wooden fence
Dominos falling on the bowling pins
Hand in the cookie jar, aint no defense
Looks like I gotta turn in my friends

Play the songbird, with a few sour notes
Better to be feathered, than scaped like a goat
Better to sing, my sins aired and emoted,
Than have fellow cons auction off my throat

It’s better to deal than to be the meal
When the pack circles, its time to get real
Gone is the life that I lived with zeal
I was driven, then I drifted, hands off the wheel

Pixels and paper trailed in my wake
Only the arrogant make careless mistakes
Or maybe a stoner, one more than half-baked
Not even a loon loses sight of the lake

Im a small fry, not too big to fail
Will the wealth i once had matter to me in jail?
The outlaw life begins to pale
When Justice finds you and she tells your tale.

Channeling Dr Seuss

Dr Suess Weighs In
Trump he trumpeted about a great wall
Mexico, he said, would pay for it all!
Trump stumped well, but can’t govern at all
And so Trump’s numbers took a great fall

Then Trump jumped on North Korea’s Kim
Said “There’s a lot I don’t like about him.”
Hes a lying grandstanding attention whore
A manchild with bad hair, need i say more?

Trump’s humpin’ for Putin takes the cake
Although he claims the truth is a fake!
He snuggles and cuddles with those who dictate,
Those who oppress, and those who hate
With democracy’s leaders, he cannot relate.

Trump jumped the swamp when he hired
The very sort he had promised to fire
The ultra rich, who couldnt care less
Whose oblige is less than noblesse

Who think poverty is ever the fault, you see,
Of people who lack drive, pride, and piety
Who think “I’m rich because He likes me,
Not so much, do my old friends and family.”

Trump likes to lump people, the grump,
By race or religion, or if they have mumps
Says racists are nice, some even have class
I say no way, José, por favor kick his ass!

OBAMA SEX SCANDAL KEEPS GROWING

14 Women Now Claim to Have Groped the Former President
A 14th Woman has joined the growing list of women in the latest sex scandal to rock the corridors of power.
In a sworn affadavit, Bonnie Devers, who worked on President Obamas re-election campaign in 2012, recounts how she “accidentally” brushed her hand across the President buttocks.
“I had a feeling of power”, ms. Devers is quoted as saying. “He gave me a funny look, but what could he do? I would just say that he rubbed those firm, rounded, funballs of manflesh against my fingers, and he knew it!”
The accounts of the claimants have an eerie similarity, evincing a pattern of abuse that spanned the former President’s entire two terms. Phrases recur with a regularity that defies coincidence:
“He looked shocked…”
“I could tell he wanted it!”
“..still feel his primal grip as he removed my hand from his…”
“…Secret Service questioned me, I felt intimidated…”
Ursula Coggins recounts how she felt encouraged by Obama to act inappropriately…
“It was his eyes, they sucked me in with their story of longing, want, and need, the lying bastard!”
A spokesman for the former first family says the Obamas are seeking no counseling at thus time….(cont. on page A7)

I SWIPE WITH NO SHAME

I finally had it out with a troll on my page,
I vigorously typed out my rage
But on the Net, what you say remains
In permanent storage on some foreign mainframe.
Hack, hack, away they hack, they hack all day
And took our identities away….
So now, the troll says to me, that i’m a dumb liberal elitist commie
I do my best, to ignore the clown
But like an evil spirit he keeps dragging me down
Ive argued all day with a troll with no shame
His talking points are always the same
Hes right, you’re wrong, and your arguments lame,
He’s probably a Bot with a Russian name.
Da, da ,dadada da dah, dada da da dah

After 3 days of pointless repartee, the troll unfriended me
And then, I found myself blocked when
I messaged him wittily
I felt empty inside, the victory denied was a blow to my pride
I spent all day seeking a troll I could shame
But nobody is up to my game
They said, “Look in the mirror, bud, and repeatedly utter your name.”
Lala lala lalalala, I cannot hear you….

HOW TRUMPS HAPPEN

My inner rapper was up early this morning…

A TRUMP WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN
A trump was bound to happen, cuz people got caught nappin, yo, hear me out while I got a voice, while I got a mic and we still got a choice.

We hung ten in the sixties, dug Batman’s car
Unless we got sent to fight their ugly war
That made no sense but dollars and cents
Both sides bought the rich man weapons
Fortunes were earned, but no lesson was learned
A trump was bound to happen

Over disco and punk and fashion we fought
And the country’s inner city continued to rot,
Became poverty traps, where brothers get shot
If they didnt get sent to the pen
A Trump was bound to happen

One Party gave our jobs away
The other just stayed out of the way
Said “to hell with the people on the factory floor”
And joined the others begging at the CEO”s door
A Trump was bound to happen

Who shot JR, who starts the wars
Whoever they say, now stay the course
We was watching TV, Michael toe tappin
To a beat he stole from some street rapper
A Trump was bound to happen

Wars are for the good of The Man and his Kind
They get richer, America’s falling behind
Other countries, where you will find
Better medicine, safer food, more peace of mind
Other nations do better by every metric
Roads, schools, security, better care of the sick
There’s no vacuum for a Trump to happen

But we’re as divided as a nation can be
Anyone with good eyes can plainly see
Between those who shed tears for refugees
And those without an ounce of empathy,
Who blame the weakest of the weak
For the loss of home, family, and dignity.
And when we don’t want to let them in
Because of their race, their face or their religion,
A Trump can, a Trump can happen

A Trump can happen
When all the good people do is cry their eyes out
Stay home from rallies, refuse to shout about
The tyranny that’s coming, don’t be in doubt
So many good laws they’re willing to flout
Watch him cozy up to dictators and louts
On Flatscreen madness as our destiny
Is determined by the viewers of reality TV
Repeating the errors of history
We have Trump now, Long ago we had Huey
They appeal to the fearful, hateful, and loony
A great America doesn’t mean it’s good,
And it’s even less so when run by a hood
Who thinks America, the land of the free
Means mainly for him and his family
A Trump can happen, a Trump can happen
Hap-hap, haha ha-happen…(fade)