ON SEEING A DOG ABANDONED

ON SEEING A DOG ABANDONED
Please don’t run, little fella, I won’t hurt you
The way someone has
I won’t tie you up outside in the summer and let your water dish go dry
The way someone did
Someone tested your love and devotion to its limits
And you would jump back in the truck he kicked you out of
And you would bite me if I did to him what I’m thinking
I want to see him to cower, the way from me you’re slinking
Screw him it’s time to start on the forgetting
Time to put some food in you, take you to a vet and
I need a new winter coat, my old one is now your bedding
It’s time for you to get back the love that you’ve been giving
Maybe in a week or two you’ll be receptive to some petting
The way someone will

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CHANNEL-SWITCHING DURING THE ROYAL WEDDING

ROYAL WEDDING COVERAGE, COMMONER THAN EVER
You can’t get away from it!
“…… the Royals in Windsor could not ask for better weather for the wedding, The Royal Wedding that’s being held today wedding wedding wedding…”{click}
Hi this is Jay Leno, welcome to Jay Leno’s garage. today we’re looking at Royal Wedding cars of yesteryear[click!]
” good news shoppers! If you purchase one wedding triptych with Lady Diana smiling down on her son and his new bride, you get the second one for free…{click!}
“.. yes, it has been reported that the Queen’s Corgi likes Prince William’s new bride. Prince Charles’ Rottweilers, however, like her a bit too much…”{click!}
“…even amid the carnage of the Taliban’s latest suicide attack, it almost seems as if some of these tears are tears of joy,…”{click!}
“… And another historic fact about Prince William’s ascot…”{click!}
My 1st guest, Sir O. Reginald Cumwidmy, is Londons foremost expert on royal sex practices, and his Royal honeymoon coverage is expected….{click}
“…

OVERHEARD AT THE ASTROPHYSICISTS CONVENTION…

A couple was in a department store, where the lady was trying on dresses and getting her astrophysicist husband’s opinion. He had just given a thumbs down on a sexy black dress that she rather liked.
“Do you think that I would look better in a red shift? She asked.
You wouldn’t look as hot,” he replied

WHEN GRANDPA KILLED A RATTLER

WHEN GRANDPA KILLED A RATTLER
“It wasn’t just a snake, it was a rattler.”
Grandpa said with a shake of the shovel,
Over which the long body was draped
It wiggled, but the rattles made no sound
“They’re very aggressive.”
He tossed the aggressor’s body over the back fence,
The tall, wooden protector of neighbors from each other
made with posts, crossbeams, and slats
Milled from the trees, Cypress, I believe,
Cut down when most of the swamp was drained
Just like that, the snake was forgotten,
Now he was the neighbor’s problem

I wished I could have replied
With aha! insights I had yet to attain
I know you killed it for safety’s sake,
For Mom and Tiger and Sis and me
I know, too, that it was just a snake,
Who had a family who followed a scent trail
Blazed by countless ancestors
Who ate the rodents that invaded the silos
When the land grew wheat and corn
Then the crop became houses, the people provided
With papers proving, beyond written doubt,
That it was just a snake, who only knew one way home.

Tiger never got snakebit, bees got me twice
The fence is gone, Dad planted a hedge for me
there are houses all around, I’m the old-timer now
Who just killed a rattler with Grandpa’s shovel
And notified City Pest Control

THE STUDENTS TAKE THE LEAD

Who's teaching the lesson today?
The students are leading the way
With I-pads in their backpacks,
And smart phones with smart apps
They picked today to not run laps,
Nor listen to official bull crap.
The usual calculated pap
Today our kids are talking back
Speaking with loud action
A chorus of marching feet
The time for change is not someday
When four weeks ago was already too late
What gives them the right, you ask?
To interrupt their history class?
But what have we done,
To whom have our votes gone?
To politicians who feel their pain,
And go on to feed at the trough again
As yet another damaged kid takes aim,
More teachers and classmates feel the pain
Things just can't stay the same
They're doing it for their own sake
For an end to the horror and heartache
Sometmes history is learned,
Some history has to be made

CATCH THE MOON

” You have to run fast to catch the Moon!”
My older brother said as he raced me
It was blood-red, beautiful, and setting soon
He laughed when I fell and hurt my knee

” This time, I want you to really, really try!”
” You have to run fast if you want to catch the Moon.”
I ran, and as i reached for my prize in the sky
Across the moon’s face flew the shadow of a loon.

My brother passed away far too soon
You could say he jumped too high
“You have to run fast to catch the moon.”
He said before his very last try.

“Don’t follow that path.” my mother cried.
“Losing both sons will be my ruin.”.
Not try, Mother? I would much rather die!
You have to run fast to catch the Moon.
(c) Greg Cobb 2018

CULLED FROM MY FACEBOOK WALL

Which drinking game, played during The Donald’s upcoming State of The Union speech, would be the most likely to lead to hospitalization? Drinking a…
1) …, shot of tequila every time the president mentions the border wall, mexican immigrants, and/or NAFTA
2…a beer every time he mentions or references himself
3…a glass of wine every time he blames the democrats for something
4…a glass of whisky each time he invokes the military or…
5… describes anything or anybody as Failing, Failure, Loser, or Liar or….
6…dont drink, and listen to the speech without commenting.

_____

I came, I saw, I went to lunch.
There, but for an ill-advised short of Amazon’s stock in 2001, go I.
He who laughs last is just pretending to get the joke.
Warning, Off-topic thought….Monopoly Money- Play Dough
In vino veritas, so use breath mints before talkng to the boss.
The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, unless you’re stabbing him in the back.
Look, before you leap, let me hold your wallet and keys

____

UNCLE GREG’S HIKING SAFETY TIPS.
 
1)No predator will attack while its prey is using the bathroom. Therefore if a Mama bear feels threatened by your presence and acts aggressively, squat and pretend to read until help arrives.
2) If you are lost in a forest in South America, the moss is on the south side of the trees, and you’ve been walking in the wrong direction for two days, moron!
3)Ladies wearing shorts, daisy dukes, or other clothing that leaves their bare legs unprotected, should have lotion applied frequently to their unprotected skin.What kind of lotion? Doesnt matter to me.
4)If you walk up on an untended moonshine still, turn around and beat it! If that pot field you stumbled upon is cartel-run, however, then you probably arent reading this.

____

“okay let me see if I got this straight,” the policeman says to me. “A guy said. I wanna show you something, follow me.”, and you walked into the alley behind him right? And then another guy, who was hiding in the shadows, hit you on the head and they took your wallet and ran.” Officer Dipena, looked at me, and shook his head. “Well now you know that’s a con to shun, right?”
“I don’t know officer”, I said. “I think it might just be a bruise.”

________

I was surprised when the two people in suits and ties told me they had undergone surgery that changed them into men. They also complained that the doctor was a real creep.
” Gave you the willies, did he?”  I said sympathetically
“Oh, no, we had to pay for them!” One replied.